In this issue:
When I was a teenager I began dating a girl and quickly developed strong feelings for her. We had an off-and-on relationship through our teen years, and then I moved far away. I had always been aware that there was an extra dimension to this relationship—something deep and from the far past. Just the thought of this person would bring forth a deep longing in me. Even after we had gone our separate ways and married other people, this response remained.
About ten years later I returned to my hometown to visit my parents and friends. We had a barbecue at my parents home and many of my friends came, including this woman. Seeing her again brought forth an intense longing in me; I was desperate to know that she loved me. That night, lying in bed, suddenly a great flood of Love washed over me. This Love did not belong to anything, nor was it focused on a particular person—it was just Love. This experience was a great comfort to me and seemed to wash away the greater part of the grief contained within the longing.
Even so, this connection remained important to me. Over the years, my internal response to this piece of karma has gotten lighter and lighter until now it just brings forth a quiet joy in me and the wish that all of the need associated with this bit of karma will find its help.
This experience, and many others, has shown me that all of our longings are important to the Eternal. There is nothing that the Eternal cannot help us with. It seems to be the hardest thing for us to learn that we don't have to do everything by ourselves.
When I became a monk I recognized that by doing so I was closing the door on a lot of different options for my life. What I was not aware of was the many doors I was opening at the same time. I have been amazed by how my various longings, skills, and abilities have been fulfilled and made use of in the course of monastic life. When we entrust ourselves to the Eternal, the Eternal looks after us in ways that help us and others to be a success.